A certain unspoken magic happens when you commit things to paper, or in this case, screen. It is as though writing them lends it life and reading it back, somehow, legitimizes it. So, in that spirit, I’m going to share 2 things with you that I need to work on.
1) I can’t use chopsticks.
Yes, I’m 35 years old (GASP!) and cannot use chopsticks. I squarely blame my parents for not insisting that I use a fork when I was a kid. No, we were not hippies or barbarians. It was just cultural. I grew up eating Indian food out of my hand. That is how things were done back in the motherland. Using a spoon was considered foreign. My only memory of eating with a spoon involves icecream at my aunt’s house and that came with a lot of instructions and derision. What does a spoon have to do with 2 sticks, you ask me? EVERYTHING. It is the foundation and my fingers just don’t work as well in the absence of that early training. Belive me, I’ve tried many, many, many times… and failed miserably. I don’t know what it is but, I just can’t use chopsticks. It’s a pathetic fact of life, one I desperately want to overcome.
2) I have no patience.
Ask anyone who knows me and they will vouch for this. I walk fast and talk fast. I want everything yesterday. Give me forward progress. Show me momentum. But, please don’t tell me to wait. And please, oh please don’t say the darned P word. I can’t do it. And, as much as I rack my brain, I can’t find a skapegoat for this trait. I famously countered my boss when he remarked on my impatience, that it was drive that he was witnessing. That got a barrell of laughs! I tried to rush my last relationship by blurting out the dreaded 3 words wayyyy sooner than I should’ve. Ugh, talk about humiliation. I think I saw my cat nod disappovingly at that precise moment. But all jokes aside, the real truth is that I’m consumed by a sense of urgency and I’m feeling the pressure every single day. I want to be a part of something grand. I want to find solutions to problems. I don’t want to feel powerless againts life’s choices. There is so much to do, so much to learn there is no time to wait… c’mon people, wake up! I can’t even sleep some nights with all the thoughts swimming in my head.
So there… I’m a flawed human being like anybody else struggling with my limitations. But, I think you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it. So, I’m going to work really hard on letting things happen . I’m going to sit very still and wait for things to come to me. I will become the embodiment of stillness. Serenity now, bitches! Perhaps, I should practice my chopsticks while I wait… I’m far from perfect, but I can certainly multitask!