He moves in mysterious ways…

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Last night, I felt the strangest feeling in my belly. Imagine a fish blowing bubbles, that’s what it felt like. It happened quickly but I  definitely felt it. At first I thought it was gas, let’s face it, pregnancy is so glamorous eyeroll, but I didn’t feel any of the uncomfortableness after. And, then again… bubbles. I waited for an encore for what seemed like hours 30 mins, but nothing. The boy was done for the night. As I lay in bed, rubbing my tummy I felt an indescribable urge to hold my baby. I can’t wait to smell him and just soak him up into my being. In 6 short months, I’ll be able to…
As I think about my pregnancy and what I want to share on this forum, I feel somewhat conflicted. The purpose of this blog has always been to work out my inner conflicts, so writing about this feels right in line. However, I’ve decided against posting any pictures of my uterus or bump. It feels too intimate for social media. In addition to my usual ramblings, I plan to dedicate one weekly update to this babe of mine, so if you want to stay abreast, kindly subscribe to my blog. end shameless plug. More than blogging about my expanding midsection, I want to write about the choices I’ve made throughout my pregnancy in the hopes that someone out there might benefit. I’m not an expert of any kind, so let me just add a disclaimer that what worked for me might not work for you. Take everything you read on the internet with a grain of salt and make an educated decision for yourself. Capiche?
Ever since I found out that I was preggers, I’ve been obsessed with reading birth stories. I want to know everything that could possibly happen during labor, but I know that is impossible. The female body is such a delicate and intricate machine that no two experiences are alike. Still, I crave it like I crave Wendy’s chicken nuggets. That’s a story for another day! I’ve learned a lot from reading these stories… For example, I had never thought of hiring a doula to help me through labor. I know what you’re thinking, you can’t believe I’m already thinking about giving birth, but hey, I’m a control-freak planner and having my ducks in row means careful research and planning over many months. Given my fiance’s work schedule, having a doula on standby might give us both some much needed peace of mind. And, from what I hear, finding a good doula is a challenge. Luckily, we have some of the best out here in NYC, so fingers crossed.
Another decision that’s weighing on me is how I want to labor. My heart tells me to go all natural, sans medication, but my mind knows that my head gets in over his head quite often. Still, when I read the birth stories of these women warriors who have braved it alone, trusting mother nature to do what she’s perfected over eons, I get goosebumps! My body is made for this! One woman wrote about her preparation like she was training for a marathon, and for some reason, it really resonated with me. I’ve never run a marathon. I’ve never had much of a stamina for long-distance running, but I have tremendous willpower and I know I can do anything, if I put my mind to it. Cue my mom’s voice here. If I want to go the natural route, then I’ve to start preparing for it… now. I’ve to channel my inner spirit through guided meditation and hypnobirthing techniques, every day. I’ve to condition my body to endure the arduous process of labor. I’ve to build a support system; find my cheerleaders. All this takes time… I’ve also learned that anything can happen and the best laid plans can be derailed by a stubborn baby trying to do things his way. Knowing us, I’m sure our baby has a few surprises in store! A big part of me knows that I’ve to stay open to whatever outcome ensues. But, that doesn’t mean that I should sit back and let things happen. Having a plan and being prepared is essential for anything in life, especially parenthood. The desire to bring this boy safely into my arms, without unnecessary interventions, is paramount. We’re interviewing a few midwives and doulas next month and I will continue to share my thoughts on this subject as they evolve.
As I write this, the boy is blowing bubbles again as if to remind me to stay in the moment. It is hard, for I feel like there is so much to learn. I can’t remember what life was like before him… Sure, there was purpose and meaning in the every day moments. But, they all seems so simple. His father and I have built a beautiful life one block at a time. We’ve had some wonderful memories together which I could never replace. But, the bubbles surpass any ideas I’ve ever had of what life or love is all about!

6 thoughts on “He moves in mysterious ways…

  1. Remitha Satheesh

    Those bubbles… best feeling in the world, isn’t it? i went the natural route for both my babies. you can do it, if you put your mind to it. Once again, congratulations and best wishes. take care!

  2. taxnick

    Love this! The first time you feel your baby move is Pure Magic!
    I had one baby natural and one with an epidural. I recommend the epidural but do what YOU want! A great book you would love is Baby Catcher (memoir of a midwife. .. Lots of great birth stories! )

    1. senadoll

      I’m not opposed to pain meds. I just don’t want unnecessary interventions. My parents are doctors and I’m sure I’m going to hear an earful on this subject. Haha!

  3. andwhatamom

    I had an epidural with my son, and had no thoughts on changing, but your post is seriously making me reconsider. Maybe I should look into a doula? My biggest fear is failure, and I’m afraid I’ll plan for a natural, med free birth and fail. And if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right? Yes, I’m chicken sh*t. But you’ve left me with a lot to ponder here!

    1. senadoll

      Thank you for reading. All medications carry a risk and they all have their place. My parents are doctors, so I’m a big fan of modern medicine. But, if everything is healthy with your pregnancy then there is no need for intervention. Our bodies are made for this… Good luck!

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