Yes, you can talk about it…

If you’re reading this and you’re not pregnant, you might come to the wrong conclusion that I’m complaining. I’m okay with that. I was once like you. .. innocent NAIVE. Growing a human is amazing, complicated, challenging, exhilarating all at once. It’s the most worthwhile thing I’ve done with my body. But, I’m not going to pretend that it’s all champagne apple cider and roses. While I’m amazed at my body’s capabilities, I’m simultaneously grossed out by them too. Here’s a look at all that I’ve experienced so far.

The struggle is real. I’ve never been more tired in my life. Period. Add to it a 2hr commute to the city each way and a full-time, demanding career. It’s exhausting. Most days I can barely keep my eyes open as soon as I get on the train. Being pregnant is draining on so many levels, yet, somehow I’ve made it half-way without any major issues. My secret, I totally unplug and unwind during the weekends. I take as many naps as I want and basically stay in bed the entire weekend. Try it!

I’m at that stage in my pregnancy where my belly is officially bigger than my bum. I feel lopsided and my equilibrium is all wacky. Getting in and out of bed is now a 3 step maneuver. First I roll on my side, and push myself off with my right elbow and then practically climb out of bed. If the body pillow is in play, add an additional step to this routine. Now, try this 3 or 4 times a night, when you’re dead asleep. No biggie, right?! RIGHT!

This happens every night, without fail. It’s bad enough getting in and out of bed, but having to be chained to the toilet is such a nuisance. I somehow manage to control it during the day, when I’m at work. But, at night… fuggettaboudit! Some days I don’t even open my eyes when I roll out of bed. I’m literally like a zombie who has to constantly pee.

Pretty much starting from week 7 onwards, I’ve had breakouts. Not your occasional beauty pimple, I’m talking full-on-teenage-boy-like acne. Combine the designer bags I have under my eyes from the lack of sleep and extreme fatigue and I’m just a picture of maternal bliss. My advice, don’t use harsh cleaners with salicylic acid as it is harmful to the baby. Find a mild cleanser and invest in a good matte concealer. It can do wonders! Now that I’m in my second trimester, I keep waiting for that glow that everyone keeps talking about, but it’s not happening. No sweat, buy yourself a good blush and nude lip gloss. Keep your makeup au natural and just use mascara and skip the eyeliner. Voila! Suck it glow!

Pregnancy hormones are a real thing. Google it. I almost lost my marbles when my partner ate the last blueberry muffin the other day. What’s crazy is that I didn’t even touch them when there was a whole box sitting on the counter. Just don’t eat the last of ANYTHING even if it is something that makes me vomit. I might, possibly, randomly have a craving. Why is that so hard to understand?

This is what I’m talking about… no one talks about the gross stuff, but it happens to everybody. My body has been turned into a baby making factory and those noxious gases have to come out one way or another. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER MY BLADDER AND BOWELS ANYMORE. If anyone pretends otherwise, they’re lying to you. But, it’s okay… it’s part of the journey. It’s humbling. It’s liberating. There is no turning back now.

So, there you have it… an honest account of what happens during pregnancy. Take the good with the bad and find a moment to laugh at yourself. Before you know it, you’ll be normal again and all of this will become a distant, happy memory.

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