My pregnancy app reminded me that I have less than a 100 days until I meet my daughter. Let that sink in for a minute, because I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. Where did the time go? Much of this pregnancy has been a blur. Am I glowing? I don’t know, you tell me! I’m sleeping less and eating on the go, all while chasing after a toddler but somehow, I have more energy than the first time around. My hair is messy but my sink is clean, I even empty the dishwasher regularly, but don’t even ask me about showering… I’m a full-time mom with a full-time job, growing another human being who is due in less than 100 days!
At work on Monday, a friend asked me how I was feeling. Great, I replied. How’s the little guy? His days are numbered, she joked. For a minute I didn’t understand what she meant. And then I understood… Lelan will no longer be an only child come September. But, the truth is I’ve always known that would be his reality. Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to have children closer in age. Honestly, I don’t have any hard feelings about robbing his one on one time with us on this planet. I also don’t think our bond will be jeopardized because of baby #2. Sure, there will be hard days ahead, but our son is a secure little guy and we will help him learn to adjust with change, to cope with disappointments and coexist with another, equally important, human in his life. If I have any guilt at all it is that I haven’t celebrated my second pregnancy enough. With Lelan, I blogged about my progress frequently and obsessed over the tiniest developments. But with Ravina, I’ve barely written a word. I have to look at my app to find out how far along I am. I find myself talking to her constantly, but sitting down to record this experience has been harder than I’d imagined. And now, I’ve barely a 100 days left to soak it all in.
As I write this, she is practicing her somersaults in my belly. She’s an active little thing, more so than I recall of her brother. It’s as if she’s kicking me often to say, hello remember me?! It’s a good quality, I think to myself. She’s strong and capable. She’s tough enough to withstand her brother’s occasional kicks. She won’t go unnoticed. Lelan has already started noticing her. We play a little game where I say, Hi Ravina and he rubs my belly. Mostly, I think he’s just interested in my belly button because of this book called Where’s baby’s belly button? He pokes it in and out and giggles. He has yet to feel her move, and I wonder if he will know what it means. But, I have never worried about him coping after the baby comes. Because, this was always his destiny. He was meant to be a big brother. He will learn to cope, just like the rest of us. He will come to love his little sister and their bond will be that much stronger because neither of them will remember a life without each other.
So, until it’s time to meet our darling little girl, I am going to write whenever the urge strikes, even if it is in the middle of the night. Her side of the nursery (yes, she will be sharing with her brother once she’s ready) is starting to take shape. It has already been vacated with a beautiful peacock mobile hanging above it. I’ve even bought a sweet baby blanket for her. Her closet is filling up with boxes of clothes from her generous cousin Johanna. I have yet to go through them, but it is starting to feel like we are better prepared for her than we were with Lelan. So, here’s to the last 100 days of being more relaxed and engaged than before. Since this will be my last pregnancy, it’s somewhat bittersweet, so here’s to making every single day count!