What do you want for Christmas, I asked him while putting away the baby’s clothes… I want to get married, he said without hesitating. We locked eyes and I knew in that moment that this was the man I would spend the rest of my life with.
Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind.. Having been through my share of heartbreaks, I wasn’t exactly jumping at the suggestion either. In many of my previously failed relationships, I had the feeling that I was the one pulling all the weight and when I no longer could, they had ended sadly without a lot of fuss. I wasn’t interested in having a husband, no thank you. I already had a wonderful partner who supported me in every single way. We were a team and everything we had was because of it.
But, when the man you love and the father of your child(ren) tells you he wants something so earnestly, you have to give it some serious thought… So, that’s what I did. While marriage was not important to me, it was to him and I had to know why. What would being married provide that we already didn’t have? His answer was simple… It would make us feel safe, he said. I want Lelan to know that his parents are married and committed. I could’ve argued with him, but for some reason I didn’t. It was the least I could do.
A few days later, on my 40th birthday, we went to the courthouse to apply for a marriage license. The next day I called around to find a local judge who was available to marry us the following week. We found our rings on short notice on Etsy. I ordered a lace blush dress on Rent the Runway and my partner found a blue velvet blazer on Amazon. Everything was falling into place. The only thing left was to decide who would be our witnesses. We could ask your family, I said. It wouldn’t be fair if my family were there and not yours, he said. Deep down I felt the same way. So, we asked a couple of friends instead.
On Friday, December 23rd at 9am we arrived at the local courthouse with our son to become husband and wife. The ceremony was sweet and short as our son watched curiously. He made cooing noises at various points during the vows, making us giggle. Our friends Kevin and Liz took photos and signed their names as our witnesses. It all happened so fast, a fleeting gift, that we barely had any time to register it all. But, it was exactly as it was meant to be.
This is love, pure and simple. This is the eternal test of how much life we can handle. How far we are willing to go for each other and how much we can bend to the evolving needs of our family, without breaking. Some people might think that we didn’t honor the tradition of marriage by eloping, but we are building our lives the old-fashioned way one day at a time, by finding the magic in the most unlikely moments, by being present and listening to each other’s needs. I haven’t lost my partner… I’ve just gained a husband!
It has been 6 months since this day and I still can’t stop smiling. I feel fulfilled in so many ways. My husband, my son and my soon to arrive daughter remind me every single day that love truly is a verb…